Vampires Jokes
Vampire Jokes

Vampire Questions:

Joke::::vampires?

There were these two vampires talking. One says to the other, “I heard on TV that wine is good for the health.” The other one said, “Well, let’s go to Italy, the Italians drink wine.
So they go to Italy, stand on the bridge and wait. A woman walks by. They vampires kill her, drink her blood and throw the body over the bridge. A few minutes later, a man walks by. They kill him, drink his blood and throw his body over the bridge. Then another man comes along, and they kill him too.
Just as they were about to throw the body over the bridge, they hear a voice singing. The two vampires look down to see an alligator under the bridge singing, “Drained peps keep falling on my head.”

cal it’s meant to be ‘drained wops’ as in ‘rain drops’
wops is slang for italians

no wonder nobody got it

tricky happy to help.

Three Movies to Avoid this Holiday Season

There are lots of new movies coming out in time for the holiday season. If you are looking for some big, dumb fun, I would suggest “2012.” If you want some political satire and humor, “The Men Who Stare At Goats.” If you want to be really depressed, see “The Road” or “Precious.” Any of those films are more deserving of your money than the three below which should be avoided like the plague.

1) Blind Side

Sandra Bullock plays real-life Leigh Anne Tuohy, an altruistic upper-class white lady, who probably has a BMW Turbo in her garage, who rescues a homeless black youth and invites him to live with her family. Teenager Michael Oher who is now a right tackle for the Baltimore Ravens is raised by Tuohy and her husband as their son. Maybe this sort of do-gooder, uplifting schlock is for your cup of tea, but you could not pay me to sit through this pandering, cliché story of a white charity. The big joke making the rounds is that Bullock will be up for an Oscar Nomination for her role in the film. And I thought giving the Best Picture to “Crash” was bad enough.

2) Old Dogs

I thought they already made this movie and it was called “Wild Hogs.” I don’t know who in their right mind has the desire to see John Travolta and Robin Williams ham it up in a PG rated Disney film where they take care of a couple seven-year old twins and their dog. I’m sure lots of hijinks ensure but at the end there is a valuable lesson about family. I don’t need to hear it.

3) Twilight Saga: New Moon

This shirtless-tease of a movie is pretty much softcore porn for teenage girls. It’s barely even a vampire story anymore when none of them drink any blood but just look moody and sad. The largely plotless sequel has lots of brooding vampires and werewolves running around the woods shirtless and there’s something about a girl who loves one of the vampires for some unknown reason. Don’t give Stephanie Meyer anymore satisfaction and money and avoid this film.

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